Why It’s Not One Perfect Message, But The Messages You Keep Sending

We love the idea that one perfect message, one conversation, one moment, could change everything. It’s a beautiful thought, and sometimes, a single message can land at just the right time, opening a door or healing a wound. But more often, it’s the cumulative effect of consistent, intentional communication that builds trust, understanding, and love.

When I began texting my sons daily, it wasn’t because I thought one text would fix everything. It was because I wanted them to know, every single day, that they mattered, that they were loved, and that they were worthy. Each message sent has its tone, theme, inspiration, wisdom, and reflection. The point is that I am always sharing from my heart, and I am not afraid to be vulnerable.  Over time, these messages transformed our connection, strengthening us for when things got tough.

There isn’t a single, magical text that rewrote our story. Instead, it was the act of showing up, again and again, that made the difference.

Own your mistakes to send the most powerful messages. 

Of all the texts I’ve sent, the ones that had the most impact weren’t the ones filled with advice or encouragement. They were the ones where I held myself accountable.  I owned my mistakes, my outbursts, my moments of negativity. I had to let my sons know: it wasn’t them. It had never been them. My reactions were about my triggers and past, and the work I needed to do on myself.

When I started sharing these truths, something shifted. My sons began to see me not just as their mother, but as a human being trying to do better. Those messages of accountability said, “I’m sorry, I was wrong, and I’m working on it.”  I opened a new level of honesty and trust between us. They saw my resilience and my willingness to grow, and it inspired them to do the same.

If you want a deeper connection, try owning your mistakes with those you love. By admitting when you’re wrong, you build trust and understanding. Your ability to hold yourself accountable can open the door to honest communication.

Reframe your thoughts and beliefs for deeper connections.

Part of being accountable was learning to question my own beliefs and reactions. Wayne Dyer, a renowned motivational speaker, once said, “Don’t believe every thought you have.” That wisdom helped me see how quickly negative thoughts can become our absolute truth if we let them. I realized that many of my reactions, especially when I was short-tempered or unkind, were rooted in old beliefs formed long ago in my origin story, rather than in the reality of the moment.

By sharing Dyer’s message with my sons, I wanted them to understand that our thoughts are not always facts, and we don’t have to let them define us. As we move forward, I hope they believe in their worthiness and remember that they are loved unconditionally.

Don’t be afraid to pause and question your thoughts, especially the ones that make you doubt your worth or react from a place of pain. Give yourself permission to step back, reflect, and ask, “Is this really true, or is it just an old story I’m telling myself, a saboteur rearing up?  When you do this with compassion, you create space for growth, not just for yourself, but for everyone you love. 

Your willingness to challenge your beliefs and share openly can inspire those around you to do the same.

The message that prepared us for everything

Another message stands out, not because it changed everything in an instant, but because it prepared us for what was to come. Hours before my breast cancer diagnosis, and just before my youngest son suffered from a sudden-onset seizure, I sent my sons a message about resilience and how we perceive life’s challenges:

Good afternoon 🌞 . I’ve been thinking a lot about how challenges arise and “negative” situations occur, both professionally and personally.  We tend to respond with avoidance, despair, fear, anxiety, anger, etc. 

Then I listened to a Positive Intelligence focus on treating life as a good friend, rather than fighting it when things and wishes don’t go your way. 

When you look at life as a close, loving friend, you see everything that life gives you as a gift to serve you. Think of a gift box filled with everything life sends your way, and catch the gift box. 

Think of every challenge as a gift in disguise. The better you treat this friend, the better it will teach you.  Life will be fuller, your outlook will be better, and the pivots will happen smoothly. 

Fight life, dodge the gift box, and treat it as hostile, then, you will feel life being sucked out of you, something to endure and pointless. 

Consciously make better friends with life and catch the gifts. Life is looking out for you just like a good friend would. See everything that comes your way as a gift and opportunity, and it will be. 

You are my most significant gift in the gift boxes 🎁 that I receive, PRICELESS ❤️❤️💙💙💛🧡🤎🤍💚💜💖💗

I didn’t know what was coming, but that message became a beacon of hope. I realized that G-d had me send this message for a reason, to prepare us.  I also learned that over the years, I had been reconnecting with myself. 

When the hard days hit, my sons messaged me back with love and strength: “We got this!” The years of daily messages, of gratitude, honesty, and encouragement, had built a foundation strong enough to help us through the challenges ahead.

Trust that the messages we need often come from a higher power, right when we need them most. Each message is sent to guide, strengthen, or prepare you. When you open your heart to this possibility, you’ll find comfort and resilience.

Build connections, one message at a time

If you want a deeper connection with your kids, your partner, your friends, or even yourself, it’s not about the one perfect message. It’s about showing up, consistently and mindfully. It’s about being accountable, owning your mistakes, and sharing your growth. Let those you love know, again and again, that they matter.

Every message helps build your connections.  So keep showing up. Keep sending the messages.  One day, you’ll realize it wasn’t one message that changed everything. It was the love and intention you put in, day after day, consistently, that truly made the difference.

If you aren’t sure what to send or how to get started creating deeper connections, get a copy of my book, Text Messages to My Sons: A Guide to Using Mobile Devices to Connect and Communicate with Your Kids.